Quote from Jack Handey

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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

—Napoleon Bonaparte
If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at some guys, throw one of those little baby-type pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think of how crazy war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

—Jack Handey
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

—Jack Handey
Nobody ever won a war by dying for his country, he won it by making the other bastard die for his.

—General George S. Patton
Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

—Douglas Adams
Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million but I was just as happy when I had $48 million.

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To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

—Jack Handey
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

—Franklin D. Roosevelt
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

—Jack Handey
The United States of America is engaged in a war against an extremist group of folks.

—George W. Bush (15/08/2006)
Violence is suitable only during war or BDSM.

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In War: Resolution. In Defeat: Defiance. In Victory: Magnanimity. In Peace: Good Will.

—Winston Churchill (1948)
There never was a good war or a bad peace.

—Benjamin Franklin
Wars are, of course, as a rule to be avoided; but they are far better than certain kinds of peace.

—Theodore Roosevelt
The grim fact is that we prepare for war like precocious giants and for peace like retarded pygmies.

—Lester B. Pearson (14/03/1955)
Peace will not come to a generation that hates war. Peace will come to a generation that loves peace.

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To be prepared for war is one of the most effective means of preserving peace.

—George Washington
We can only move to a long-term resolution regarding terrorism and war by planting seeds of peace. We have to start with ourselves.

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